I knew I was gonna have trouble with those vegans and such out here in California with their weird food requirements. But exactly who told all the skinny people that fried foods are the root of all evil?

And now there's that guy on TV trying to get all of the little school children to start eating healthy. Hey, chicken fingers have real chicken parts ground up in there with all of those additives and stuff.

But let's talk about vegetables for a minute. 
 
If it weren't for the deep fat fryer, there is no way I would have ever come within ten miles of a piece of okra. But I tell you, once you dip those slimy little buggers in a pan of corn meal and dunk them in a vat of hot oil, they turn into something amazing. Don't knock it until you try it, mister fancy TV food guy.

And I'm sorry, but asparagus is one vegetable that could use a little batter and bacon grease. And a dash of Horsey Sauce (that comes from Arby's, if you aren't in the know). Next to brussel sprouts, asparagus is about the sorriest tasting thing I've ever eaten. Even my dog won't eat it. I just don't get the attraction.

Try serving asparagus to a bunch of starving children after an hour of recess, Mr. TV man. I think they'd rather eat a handful of sand.