So I went to a fancy party in the middle of Napa Valley. I was terrified someone would find out that I didn't fit in. Didn't grow up pronouncing french and didn't know which fork to use for what.
Everything was fine when it came to drinkin'. They had champagne to drink so I knew what to do with that. It was a little hard to drink out of them skinny glasses but I managed. And then came the appetizers. That's always scary 'cause I remember the time we went to visit these people in Washington, DC and they served all of us kids a big ole platter of crackers, cream cheese and blackberry jelly. Now I love blackberry jelly. So I put a big blob of it on one o' them fancy crackers and proceeded to enjoy.
But somethin' just wasn't right about them blackberries. Now somewhere in the back of my little ole brain it occurred to me that there were actual people who dined on fish eggs and they called that stuff caviar. These blackberries were pretty darn salty and slimy so I put 2 and 3 together and got 4. This here was Caviar! Not blackberry jelly. And so help me, there was no way that with this new knowledge I was gonna manage to swallow this stuff.
And then I looked to my right and noticed my older sister. Apparently she was wise to the appetizer situation and was watchin' to see what I was gonna do about it. If you have ever tried to spit a mouthful of slimy, salty, black fish eggs into a tiny cocktail napkin, you know what I was going through. If not, let me tell you - it wasn't pretty. Apparently those unhatched fish babies were plottin' an escape cause they kept oozing out of different sides of that napkin. My sister was turnin blue tryin not to laugh. The rich kids must have been talkin about their latest polo victory cause they didn't even notice.
But I am now wise to the appetizer challenges and never eat without first knowin' what I'm gettin myself into or at least havin a couple of spare napkins handy.