There are two kinds of people in this world : people who put on a spa robe and relax and people from the south. 

Those spa regulars put on that robe and it just works. They look like more relaxed versions of their former Gucci-wearin' selves. Of course, they probably started their day with 2 valiums and breakfast in bed served by Jeeves, the butler.  The rest of us can barely get that one-size-fits-all tie-belt around our boiled-peanut lovin’ bodies. And I’m not sure if it’s due to our Puritanical roots (South Carolina was one of those original 13 colonies, you know) or the more recent colonization success of the tithing Southern Baptists but either way, we have a severe fear of being nekkid. Even if we have a robe partially covering our naked selves, we have to keep ever vigilant in case a rogue body part pops out at the worst time.  How can you possibly walk around all jiggly-like sipping tea and “relaxing”?  Parts that shouldn’t be touching each other are rubbing together with abandon. You have to walk extra careful and with your feet wide apart just to keep your thighs from chapping each other.  

Then you've got all of those environmental hazards to worry about. I don’t care how much chamomile you add to it, that tea is hot. Lord knows what would happen if a spot of that calming tea hits one of my exposed body parts. 

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