The North versus the South

I know what you're thinkin'.  Here she goes again trying to justify the reason they didn't win the "War of Northern Aggression."  Well, you would be wrong. 

I'm just wonderin what would happen if they divided California in half and let the two different sections fight it out. 

The people in Northern California are a sweater wearing bunch due to the fact that it is cold and foggy when you live near the coast.  So their uniforms would have to be wool and water proof.  Actually, they would have to be made from the wool of free range sheep cause we don't want to make those sheep suffer the embarassment of being hairless.  And we can't use any chemicals to make the wool water repellant, and no red dye number two either.  Okay, so maybe we'll just go with bamboo leaves woven together to cover all of the important body parts. 

So the people in Southern California would all need to have specially altered uniforms so as to cover all of their surgically altered body parts.   And we would need to be sure to affix the proper designer labels to said uniforms, and they need to be appropriately form fitting to account for showing off of aforementioned body parts in their best light. 

Now when it comes time to fightin'  you will need to provide ample warning so that we can give one side time to wind down from the pre-war yoga classes, and the other side time to finish their pre-war stop in the tanning booth. 

And as for the fightin'.  Well it will be more of a contest, really.  There will be the "dis-robing from your wetsuit by the side of the road" timed trials, the "catching the tofu with chopsticks" relay race, and the "identify the offending item for a vegan dinner" competition. 

Eventually both sides will grow tired of the exercise and will head to the closest tatoo parlor for further adornment.